Joshua Scott Stone Kimpton:

Date of Birth: 27 February 1994

 

Memorable quotes from the Boy as I remember or as he comes up with them!

25th July 2008 - Josh says ' Why do they call it plastic surgery? What's the plastic for?'

 

1 June 2008 - Josh says to me 'How long has the Kimpton name been going' and I say many years - back to Saxon times and he says 'So If I don't have kids that's it - no more Kimptons?

 

20 March 2008 - I ask Josh if I can borrow his iPod to listen to some music and he says: 'Ok but you know there is some swearing on it'

 

17 November 2006 - We're waiting for dinner at a restaurant and Josh says, 'Dad, I'm so hungry I might turn into a cannibal!'. 'Who are you going to eat?' I ask, 'You' he replies - 'you're the juiciest' (Josh's way of saying I'm fat!)

3 November 2006 - While out with Josh I point at a car and say I wanted one of those when I was your age (an MGB GT) and Josh says 'What is it a vintage Ferrari'

5 Oct 2006 - Myself and Teresa are talking about a very skinny woman that we seen at the gym and Josh says 'One of my teachers is Exa Rexic' (anorexic)

21 April 2006 - 'Dad you know you said I can tell you anything if it bothers me. Well I'm scared of dying. Maybe someone could break into the house when we're asleep. I'm even scared of getting on the train in case it crashes.'

15 March 2006 - 'Why are girls so special? I mean you have to open the doors for them and if they hit you, you can't even hit them back?'

8 December 2005 - Josh is doing a mensa type test and he says to me "it says if you do this test in under 5 minutes you're a genius and I did it in 4 minutes". After I point out you actually have to get the answers right I check and he has!

11 November 2005  It's Remembrance Day and I ask Josh if he knows what it means. He says 'Yeah it's the 11th hour of the Eleventh Day of the 11th month of the 11th O'clock'

4 November 2005  Josh is doing some homework and one of the questions is how many novels did Charles Dickens write. Off he goes to the computer to search ... after 5 minutes I say how are you getting on. Josh says 'I've found about 14 books but can't find any novels'.

30 October 2005  We're letting off a few fireworks in the garden and I say to Josh I love fireworks I could play with them every night. Josh says 'Yeah why couldn't they arrest Guy Fawkes every day of the year?'

09 August 2005  One of the science questions for Josh, says what is an asexual reproduction? and his answer: reproduction with one human only

15 July 2005 Watching Josh at his end of year Football Tournament (They lost in the final - Josh scored 4 goals in total) all the other Dad's are screaming at their kids - "COME ON SON" etc etc. Josh misses a shot on goal so I shout out 'JOSH YOU'RE RUBBISH' 

12 June 2005 Josh is telling me about his classmate who sits next to him (Fiona is about 5 feet 7) and he says isn't it funny how they put the tallest person next to the smallest.

8 May 2005 Josh is eating a Bounty chocolate bar and I say

Nan likes those - Josh says 'I thought she only ate cheese and biscuits!'

7 May 2005 Reading the Cereal box and Josh says 'if I eat the whole packet' I'll be 18.5 grams fatter!'

22 April 2005 Watching Liverpool vs

Chelsea and it's 0:0. Josh isn't impressed with the passing game and says 'No wonder its nil nil they keep passing. When we play we all run up front after the ball then all run back to defend and it's always like 20:15 or something!'

5 March 2005 Why do some people dial 911 for the Police?

26 February 2005 Josh trips over at school and cuts his chin on the desk and I say you didn't cry did you, and he says yeah a bit. I say you can't cry in front of the girls and he says 'It's ok only the ugly ones were there.'

30 December 2004 Playing cards with Josh and he says 'I have the Queen of love' (Hearts)

24 December 2004 Steve texts Josh on the mobile phone. Steve: Are you excited about Christmas, Josh: Yes, Steve: How excited?, Josh: Poo my pants excited!

4 December 2004 We're in an automatic carwash and I say to Josh - you can clean the car next week and I'll give you the money. Josh says 'But I can't drive?'

25 October 2004 Dad - "Josh have you done your daily diary homework today?", Josh "No I don't have to do it everyday!"

9 October 2004 I say to Josh that he has to make sure he washes properly as he has a couple of blackheads on his chin. 'Oh' he says ' I thought it was my beard coming through'

16 September 2004 We see a kid in a car wearing his football kit and crying. Josh says 'He's crying because he lost. I don't cry when I lose I just complain.'

13 September 2004 Driving along with Josh and I spot Jane cycling. I shout out Hey Pikey. Later on Josh says 'Is a pikey someone that rides a bike?'

12 September 2004 We're walking through the forest and Josh comes across a cardboard box that's been dumped there. He says' I don't know why people throw their rubbish in the forest, how would they like it if the animals dumped rubbish in their houses'

5 August 2004 'Dad when someone says bless you when you sneeze and you say thanks, then they say you're welcome. What comes next?'

5 August 2004 A song by Josh 'When I was seven I started to waffle a lot (talk) ... When I was seventeen I stopped waffling...'

1 August 2004 While eating an omelet Josh says 'how can you get eggs without chicks inside?'

25 July 2004 Josh is looking at me and spots a 'white' hair and he says - 'Dad you're getting old'

1 July 2004 We're watching the football and

Greece are playing. The goalkeeper has grey hair and Josh says 'He's an old man - he looks like Grandad'. Later in the game he says I know why the Greeks are good, because they are the team of the Gods. 'What do you mean?' I say. 'Well they have Zeus and Mount Olympus'

9 January 2004 Teresa is playing a question and answer game with Josh and she asks him what revolution means. He says 'Isn't that when Monkeys turn into Humans?'. 'You mean evolution Josh, I said revolution' replies Teresa. Josh says 'Oh that's when Humans turn into Monkeys'

20 December 2003 We're waiting in line at a Supermarket to pay for our shopping and Josh says 'Is it ok to read this comic before we pay for it?'

13 December 2003 I say to Josh 'Do you know who Issac Newton is?' he replies 'Yes he's the man that invented gravity'

5 December 2003 Josh is reading one of his books and he says 'Look Al Kay pone had problems with his taxman' - (Al Capone)

29 November 2003 Josh has been spending ages drawing a page of cartoons and when he finishes it he says 'Dad can you scan these on the computer and print out some copies?'. I say to him no problem what do you want them for? he says 'I'm going to sell them to Sainsburys'

8 November 2003 Myself and Josh are watching GB vs

Australia in the Rugby league and we get awarded a dubious try. I say to Josh that it's not a try and that we can't cheat. 'SO!' he replies

6 November 2003 I'm talking to Josh about Halloween and the fact that Isabel was scared of our costumes and he asks if she was scared last year. To which I reply 'She wasn't here last year she was in Teresa's belly', 'Oh Yeah!' says Josh

28 October 2003 Josh asks me to remove a dead moth which he's found on the carpet of his room and I say why don't you move it are you scared? He replies 'No I just don't want to touch it because it makes me sad' 

25 October 2003 Teresa asks Josh if he'd like to go up stairs and read Isabel a story from one of the baby's books and Josh says 'No I've already read them'

3 October 2003 We are in the Garden and Josh wants to play on his rope swing but there is a Spiders web on it. I tell him to brush it off to which he replies 'No it's the Spider's house'

3 October 2003 Josh asks why we close our eyes when we sneeze and I say that I don't know, but why doesn't he email Granddad and Uncle Al to see if they know the answer. "Nah, they'll only send me a book on it" replies Josh

26 September 2003 We're sitting in a hotel bar in Southend and decide to ask Josh some questions. Here are a selected few:

1)Whos is the Prime Minister - Bush

2)What is the Currency of the

USA - Cents

3) When did Man first land on the Moon - 1872

4) What is the largest Planet - The Sun

5) What is the Capital of Portugal - Costa Rica

6) Where does Reggie buy your books - Argos

6 September 2003 Walking through the forest we see a Squirrel and Josh says 'Can Squirrel's be allergic to nuts?'

27 August 2003 Today we're on the Tube and we've just gone past Woodford and arrived at

South Woodford. Josh says 'I know why it's called South Woodford ... because it's South'. I say South of what? and he says 'Err I don't know Chingford?!'

27 August 2003 We're watching the World Athletics Championships and it's the 400m. Josh says why don't the worst runners run in the inside lanes to make it a better race, so I say why would that be easier, to check he understands, and he says because they don't have to run as far.

27 August 2003 We're besides a stream in the local park and the water is full of algae. Josh says 'Look Albuquerque!'

28 June 2003 Playing Cricket with Josh and as I bowl to him the ball misses the bat and hits him in the midriff, Josh says 'That hit my elvis' (pelvis)

12 June 2003 Josh - 'What happens if a Plane breaks down?'

10 June 2003 We're talking about the Beagle 2 Spacecraft and it's mission to Mars and Josh says 'Are they going to pollute the Planet?' We go on to talk about the American Mission which is sending two 'Rovers' to explore and Josh says 'Are there men in there or ants?'

5 June 2003 I tell Josh that I've just bought a Tent and that Stevo is extremely excited. Josh Says 'Did he wet himself?

15 May 2003 Looking at an Estate Agents website and we come across a very nice house. The spec reads as follows: 4 bed, breakfast room, backing onto Farm land, Swimming pool etc - Josh reads it and we're expecting a bit of interest in the pool but he says 'BREAKFAST ROOM!!!'. Then he says 'Why on Earth would you want to move from that house!'

9 May 2003 Josh has just sold his second game on eBay and I say "You sold the first one for £10.49 (which included postage) and the second one for £10.50 (no postage) so how much is that?" Josh says "£22.48" - he factored in the £1.50p postage!

4 May 2003 Josh is using eBay to auction off one of his PC games and is typing in the details himself for the first time. I take a quick look before he sends it off and the Title reads: Jak and Dakster Rare Playstation 2 game. I say "Is it really a Rare game Josh?" and he says no but if I say 'Rare' more people will want to buy it! Update 7th May  - Just sold the game for £10.49!

3 May 2003 I've got a bit of a cold and am coughing away, Josh says 'Dad have you got asthma like me now?''

2 May 2003 Josh has received some toys that Lucy has sent over from

Australia and noticed where one of them was made - 'Why is everything made in China?'

27 April 2003 We're talking about jobs and what he wants to do when he's older and he says 'So the horrible jobs pay the most money and the nice ones (he wants to work in a Zoo) pay the least ...'

27 April 2003 'Dad what does it mean when they say What's your American Status (Marital) '

5 April 2003 Josh 'Are Ladybirds all girls?'

4 April 2003 Josh is reading about dinosaurs and says 'They've all got really long names' ... 'How do we know what their names actually were?'

3 April 2003 We're watching a program about human evolution from Apes etc and it's explaining how they became more intelligent as their brain's got bigger. I say to Josh 'Who's got a bigger brain me or you?'. 'You', he replies 'Because you've already been to school'

28 March 2003 Josh gets his first 'spam' Email offering him a loan, and he's says I was going to write back to them and say no thanks but I didn't have time. 

21 March 2003 Watching the news of the Gulf War against Iraq and Josh Says 'Has England been invaded ...' I ask what he thinks of the war and he says 'Bad because people are dying and they haven't done anything'

15 March 2003 Josh received some money from Vicky for his birthday so I said go onto the computer and have a look at the Amazon site and see what you'd like. He says ok give me your password. An hour later I see what he's upto and the screen says Thanks for your order. I say 'I can't believe you've actually ordered something. Josh says "I've ordered lots of things!''

20 February 2003 Josh asks why the baby is crying and Teresa says because she's constipated, Josh replies that's what your Mum has too. Teresa says 'No, What do you understand by constipated?' Josh - 'It's when you don't like small rooms or rooms without windows' (Claustrophobia!)

13 February 2003 Josh, 'When I play my racing game at home (on the computer) I always try to drive at 30mph' 'Why's that', I ask. 'Because I'm learning to drive.

7 February 2003 We're talking about someone going on holiday to

Thailand and Josh says 'You have to be careful in Thailand - they've got Dingos''

6 February 2003 'Why is it when Teresa drinks water she doesn't give the baby water?' (when she's breast feeding Isabel)

26 January 2003 We're on our way to the swimming pool and Josh and I are talking about how cold the water will be. He says 'You'd better cover your ears when I jump in', Why's that? I say, 'Because I'm going to scream'

24 January 2003 I'm explaining to Josh that I made some money via the website by recommending books which people subsequently purchase - he says 'You shouldn't influence people'

23 January 2003 Watching a program about the Solar System, Josh "Wow, it takes (exactly) a year for the Earth to go round the Sun!"

23 January 2003 We're talking about Josh's Teacher's Email address (JHebden@...) and I say is that a man or woman and Josh says 'Well Hebden is hardly a boys name is it'

18 January 2003 Josh - 'If a football Scout sees you when you eight and thinks you're a good player, how does he remember to put you in his team when you're older?'

18 January 2003 Josh is going in the bath (under duress!) and I say you'd better change those pants you've probably had them on for months. He says 'Or years! - only joking,  about two weeks' 

17 January 2003 We're watching a program where a bloke is left by his girlfriend and starts crying. I say to Josh 'That's silly, there's plenty more fish in the sea'. Josh says 'Fish - don't you mean Birds?'

16 January 2003 We're looking at Isabel's notes from hospital and she's listed as number 2 million and something. Josh says '2 Million - that's Millions!'

9 January 2003 Josh is reading to us about the Roman Emperor Caligula who had ordered that anyone who'd had a bath in a particular year should be executed (because it was disrespectful to his sister who'd died). Josh Says 'You see, you and Telesa would be dead but I'd be ok!' (Josh never bathes!)

9 January 2003 Josh asks whether I want the new baby to be a boy or girl and I explain that I don't have a preference. He says 'You want a girl because she give you cuddles'

4 January 2003 'Why is it you spend your whole life learning and when you know everything you die?' 

2 January 2003 Josh says 'Is primate short for Prime Minister?', 'No it's PM' I say. 'So it's Primate if he's a Monkey and PM if he's a Clock', Josh replies.

23 December 2002 Josh is at work with me and says 'Work is much better than School - You don't get told off at work'

23 December 2002 I've taken Josh to work and he plays a game on one of the guys computers - he thinks the guys a games tester, so he says 'When I grow up I want his job.'

23 December 2002 I take a cup which is half filled with milk from Josh but rather precariously only holding it with two fingers. Josh says 'Hold it properly' - the first time he's told me off!

20 December 2002 At school and one of the kids says to the Teacher 'That's great init?' and the Teacher says 'It's not init it's ain't it?!' So Josh says 'It's not init or ain't it, it's isn't it'

15 December 2002 Talking football and Josh says 'If you score three goals do you get to keep the ball?'. 'Yes' I reply Josh says 'Do you have to bring it back?'

14 December 2002 A question comes up on TV where the answer is Natalie Cole which Teresa guesses correctly and Josh says 'You know lots about Kings don't you'

22 November 2002 I question Josh about who he thinks was a 'Great Briton' and he says 'That Electric Guy'. 'Thomas Edison?'  I reply and he says 'Yeah I knew it was Ed someone.' Then I say no he's American, so Josh replies Tony Blair. I say why him and he says 'Well he's been around the world - he's always in different Countries'

16 November 2002 Josh says 'Why don't people take there cars to the Airport?' he thinks for a minute and then says 'Oh I guess because you can't take them (the cars) with you'

16 November 2002 Josh is unwell with a temperature and flu etc but wants to go to see the Harry Potter film. I say to him I'm not sure you should go and he replies in we weak an ill sounding voice, 'I'm fine I just can't breath out of my nose and I'm a bit hot' as he tries every trick to try to pretend he's ok!

3 November 2002 Talking to Josh about a Great Sporting rivals article in the paper that features Celtic / Rangers and Robinson  / La Motta and he says 'What about Lennox Lewis and that little man?' 'Mike Tyson' I reply 'That's him' Says Josh

2 November 2002 Discussing West Ham's latest defeat, and I explain to Josh that lots of the other clubs Chelsea, Leeds etc, have spent fortunes. Which is why they are doing better than us. However that in years to come they'll probably be in the lower divisions after getting into Financial difficulties. Josh Says 'Yeah but we haven't got any money to spend and are already rubbish so if we keep going like this we'll end up in the Scottish League'

20 October 2002 I ask Josh if he's going to teach the baby how to play football, and he says 'Yep I'm going to teach him how to go in goal'

20 October 2002 Again talking baby names with Josh and he says 'How about Angelo Saxon' - he'd spotted where it says 'Origin Anglo Saxon'

18 October 2002 I'm talking to Josh about names for the baby and I say how about Jocko - and he says 'no, I've got an invisible friend called Jocko who's a Donkey'

9 October 2002 Josh 'Where do scars come from ... how do they go away ... I like scars'

4 October 2002 Josh is explaining to me that a new Playstation game (Spiderman 2) is out. 'That means the film will be out soon' he says 'the game always comes out first then the film isn't that funny?'

3 October 2002 Someone mentions 'hitman' on the tv and Josh says yeah we learnt about him at school - he was that German leader

3 October 2002 Trying to explain to Josh about fractions and I say that if you divide something into 10 parts and select one of those parts , that part is called a tenth. 'So what do you have if you have two of those parts?' I ask - 'A Twoth?' says Josh

29 September 2002 'Josh can pass me a couple of those plates please' I say. 'Ok how many 3? he replies

28 September 2002 Teresa (6 months pregnant) is going out in the evening to meet her friends in the pub. Josh says 'Why are you going out if you can't drink beer?'

27 September 2002 After a hard Karate lesson where I took a bit of a pasting from the Sensei and spent most of the time on the floor Josh says 'Dad he killed you'

19 September 2002 - Josh says 'It says here that Hironori Ohtsuka founded WadoRyu Karate ... But where did he find it?!'

28 August 2002 - Watching a

Chelsea football game and I ask Josh which player had just had a shot and come close to scoring - 'Giant Francisco Zola' (Gianfranco) - He replies.

8 June 2002 - I'm speaking to Josh and I say "Josh I think Teresa might be having a baby, but it's a secret at the moment so you can't tell anyone' and Josh says 'Cool - Does Teresa know?'

8 June 2002 - There's some music playing on the TV - Elvis Presley Love me Tender - and I say to Josh 'Nan loves this, do you know who sings it?' he pauses for a second and says 'Grandad?'

8 June 2002 - Watching the Football and the Commentator says of one the the players - 'He was a little too clever there for his own good'. Josh says 'How can you be too clever?'

25 May 2002 - Josh: 'Why is there today and tomorrow and not tomorning?'

25 May 2002 - Out on the bikes and he complains that his leg hurts so I ask him which part and he says ' The Lamb ... the chubby bit'

23 May 2002 - Josh says to me - 'Why do people eat duck', 'I guess they like it Josh', I say. Then he says 'I know what the crispy bit is - the beak'

18 May 2002 - I spot Josh on his bed holding one of his hairs and rubbing it on his head, so I ask what he's doing and he says 'I'm trying to put it back'

17 May 2002 - Talking about being a footballer and I say that Taff could have been quite good and perhaps played Non League Footie and Josh says ' Nah, he likes beer too much!'

10 May 2002 - Josh is playing with a bouncy ball in the lounge and Teresa says Your Dad is going to tell you off in a minute, and he says 'Yeah I was just thinking that.'

9 May 2002 - Talking about football : 'Most people kick with their right foot, so you need to practice with your left' - Josh 'Yeah, I need more power for my left foot and I need it to be less awkward'

1 May 2002 - We're watching a music video by a band called 'Tool' and Josh says - 'Who's that Lady that lives with Uncle Al', 'Do you mean Lin' I reply, 'No the other one', 'Auntie Esther?'. 'Yeah Auntie Esther saw Tool on the tv and said 'I don't know about Tool but maybe they should change the first letter of their band's name to F'

12 April 2002 - Outside Waitrose and Josh gives a guy selling 'The Big Issue' some money. Then he says 'The Gypsies here aren't as pushy as in

Spain!' We got accosted may times in Sevilla where they were trying to sell you heather etc

March 2002 - Josh and Teresa's Mum are playing draughts and he is a bit annoyed because the Spanish rules are different - 'Teresa can you ask Juanita to teach me how to cheat'. Then I tell him to make a particular move which loses him a king - 'Why are you good at playing and rubbish helping - what made you want Juanita to take my King??'

March 2002 - Junior and I are in the public loos having a pee and he says - 'Why do adults always look at the ceiling when they're Peeing!'

March 2002 - I ask Josh who is his favourite footballer David Beckham or Micheal Owen and he says 'They're both my favorite'. 'They can't both be' I say and he replies 'Well my favourite favourite is Micheal Owen'

16 March 2002 - Teresa is explaining to Josh what the Death Penalty is and that some people are killed by an injection and he says "but if they have an injection it should make them better".

15 March 2002 - I'm telling Josh to keep practicing football because West Ham need him and he says "They don't need me they need Rivaldo".

13 March 2002 - Teresa phones from the pub and speaks to Josh, "Is she drunk" I ask? "I'm not sure ... hang on she's laughing so she is" says Josh.

9 March 2002 - Talking to Josh about the pronunciation of peoples names in foreign languages and I ask him how they pronounce Robert in

Spain and Josh says Rov - (b is pronounced the same as v).

9 March 2002 - His Gameboy toy isn't working as the batteries have run out and I ask why he's taken the back off the machine.'I thought they (the batteries) could do with some air'

16 February 2002 - Watching the start of the Rugby between England and Ireland and they are singing God Save the Queen and Josh says 'How did God save the Queen?'

8 February 2002 - Josh is entering my details in the computer and is asked how many Ibs I weigh - 'How many labs are you?'

7 February 2002 - Talking About Valentines day and I ask Josh if he's going to give anyone a card, to which he replies no. So I ask if anyone's going to send him a card - 'I hope not!'

2 February 2002 - Having problems squeezing out some toothpaste: 'Much it annoys me and annoy me it does much'

2 February 2002 - Josh realises that his Dad's choice of football team could have been better - 'Why do you keep making me listen to West Ham when they keep losing?'

31 January 2002 - 'I know the difference between a cat and a fox - a fox has a white bit on his tail'

24 January 2002 - We're talking about Spanish football and Josh asks 'Where are Las Palmas in the turntable', 'I think you mean table Josh',  'Whats a turntable then?', 'It's where you play records' - 'What's a record!'

24 January 2002 - Talking about the football match early this week and Josh asks why Paulo Di Canio got sent off - 'Is it because he's going to

Manchester?' - refering to Di Canio's possible transfer.

19 January 2002 - Teresa is painting some shelves and asks Josh to hold a small tin of paint, he says 'I'm a bit dopey for that - look at my hands they're shaking'

18 January 2002 - 'Is a Comedian an animal', 'No Josh you mean Chameleon'. So a Chameleon is
an animal that tells jokes.
18 January 2002 - 'What did you dream about last night' , 'Nothing, it's always black when I dreaming'

17 January 2002 -  Josh visited the

British Museum today with his school, so I asked if he'd seen anything interesting - ' There were lots of people wrapped' (The Egyptian Mummies).

12 January 2002 -  We're talking about growing up and Josh says ' Why do you stop growing ... is it because your heart can't take it?

7 January - Watching the

Leeds vs West Ham game and West Ham are getting slaughtered three nil. Josh says 'This is more difficult to watch than 'Changing rooms''

2 January 2002 - While watching Reggie's memorable Horizon video (The Joy of finding things out) I ask Josh if he's had enough and wants to watch the rest later - 'Nah better to get it over with now'

1 January 2002 - I'm editing one of Al's articles and Josh says 'Does he know you're adding words to his story?'

26 December 2001 -  (Courtesy Al) - Al says to Josh ' I heard you have two new dictionaries, are they any good?' Josh ' Don't know I haven't read them yet'.

21 December 2001 - I say to Josh 'How is Father Christmas going to get in, we haven't got a chimney' - Josh 'He could smash a window'

24 November 2001 - Watching the football and one of the players has a shot which hits the crossbar. Josh says ' If that was me I'd have scored', really I say, 'Yeah because I can't kick it that high so it would have gone in'

17 November 2001 - I'm trying to explain to Josh the meaning of philosophy and in the course of this I ask where he thinks we came from, he says 'a big explosion' - but what created the explosion - 'two big rocks', and what created the rocks 'God' and where did God come from - 'The University' (The Universe)

3 November 2001 - During the bonfire night celebrations I managed to pick up a three inch scratch across my chest. Josh sees it and says 'If you had two more scratches like that you'd look like Bruce Lee! (Enter the Dragon)

6 September 2001 - Jane is trying to put Josh's trainers on for him 'Can you stick the tongue out' So he sits there with his tongue out wondering how that's supposed to help.

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Teresa and Reggie each insisting that they do the washing up, Josh 'Why don't you two stop arguing and help each other out?'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Cruising in the grounds of Lord Carnarvon's Kingsclere Estate, Teresa 'All that you can see is owned by one man', Josh 'No it isn't', Teresa 'What isn't?', Josh 'This car'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Teresa asks Josh whether he wants to go to the shops with her, Josh 'I'm not sure', Grandad 'What's 90 plus 10?', Josh 'Come on Tere let's go'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie)Grandad explains about atoms and how all things when broken into smallest components are the same 'Was that boring?', Josh 'Quite'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie)Grandad (mentioning

Florence as part of his grand tour), Josh 'That's where Florence Nightingale was born', Grandad (with patronising smile) 'No no that's just a coincidence'. Grandad after much research (ladybird books) now has egg on his face

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie)Grandad (at start of dinner) 'Josh who do you think will be first to nag you because you're not eating properly or enough?', Josh 'You already are'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Josh (returning from an outing) ' Will Daddy be at home', Teresa 'Do you want him to be?', Josh 'I can't make up my mind if I want him to be or not'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Josh ' Dad said I'm not to play Playstation and then he bought it for me', Grandad ' Does he stop you playing too much?', Josh 'I stop myself'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - Nanny on a neighbourhood watch ring round 'There have been burglars the Police have been told', Josh 'We don't need Police we've got our own burgers'

August 2001 -  (Courtesy Reggie) - 'Changing Rooms' (TV Makeover program) Program host 'We have now reached the half point in the transformation', Josh 'So far so bad'

August 2001 Josh Slang - Blar Blar poo poo

13 July 2001 - We're walking down the road and Josh says 'What are peder strains' - I haven't got a clue, so he points at a road sign ... pedestrians!

12 July 2001 - It's Josh's second Karate lesson and at the end we do freestyle fighting as everyone sits around the edge watching. Josh gets up to fight a yellow belt of the same size and build. Here a a couple of his quotes: I was a bit worried at first but once I got up there I thought 'Alrighty then' and finally 'I was on him like a sticker'

20 June 2001 (Courtesy Reggie) -  Feet Feet under the table, or what! - Josh,already the "tenant" of bedrooms at Mum's Dad's and Gran's visited Jane and Stephen on the day they moved into their new house. Having explored on his own he was later asked what he thought of it. His reply? "OK, but you should see the state of my room."  

June 2001 - Teresa is teaching Josh Spanish and trying to get him to guess what the word Vocabulario is, She says 'Think of word in English that it sounds like' ... 'Vacuum Cleaner'!?

2000/2001 Josh Slang - Ge loff (get off), Shaa lup (Shut up)

June 2001 - Teresa is talking to Josh and points out it's the Queen Mum's One Hundred and First birthday soon and Josh says 'Yeah if she makes it'!

June 2001 - Josh and Teresa were doing one of these word search puzzles where the words are written backwards upside down etc. Teresa has found camel (spelt backwards) and circles it. Problem is Josh can't see it on the list of words to search for, so he says 'Ok where is the lemac on this list?' Other interesting animals Josh came up with were moff (moth) fewman (after I told him we were animals he said I'm not I'm a fewman)

June 2001 -We're in

Somerset on holiday and there is currently a foot and mouth outbreak which has seen millions of cows and sheep slaughtered. As we drive past a field Josh says 'what's all this foot and mouth about then - there's loads of cows over there'

05 May 2001 - In the car with Josh and I'm just thinking to myself that I should go to visit Vicky who's currently in hospital due to her pregnancy (in Whipps Cross). Just as I've thought that Josh says 'yeah Whipps Cross thats where I went when I fell over'! It was as if he was replying to me ... Quite spooky!

07 Apr 2001 - Watching a program on Cheetahs, One of the commentators walks close by one of the animals and Josh says ' He better be careful, they're the second fastest thing in the world'. What's the fastest I ask ... Light!

06 Apr 2001 - Watching a documentary about

Mexico and Josh says 'Dad you knew me when I was a baby - have I been to Mexico?!'

17 Mar 2001 - Trying to get Josh to finishes his dinner I tell him we can do a deal. After explaining what a deal is, I'm half expecting him to give me a cuddle or something, but he jumps up goes in the kitchen and gets me a beer!

03 Mar 2001 - Josh ponders the meaning of life in the supermarket ... 'I know babies come from their Mummys and Mummys from their Mummys but who was the first one?'

03 Feb 2001 - Josh finishes his 'Lion that escaped story' and says ' let's see what Grandad thinks of that!'.

03 Feb 2001 - Josh and Teré have just watched 'Changing rooms' (interior design program). He comes out of his room and says 'that light has got to go'!

Oct 2000 - (Courtesy Reggie) - Coming back from the wedding he was asked what he was looking for through the window - 'God' he replied. I can tell you that there was some relief (at 30,000 feet) when he announced he hadn't seen him yet!

Summer 2000 - Josh and Teresa are always playing video games together and Teresa's 'lack of skill ' often has him in stitches. After one particular session Teresa's had enough and comes downstairs. Two minutes later a voice from upstairs says "come up here and make me laugh Telez" (her name according to Josh!)

2000 - (Courtesy Reggie) - Sent into a shop to make a small purchase he was asked how much it had cost. 'Not much I only gave one note and got all these coins back.'

Esther's Birthday 2000 - And Auntie Esther is 90 years old I say! She must be the oldest person you know. No, says Josh, the Queen Mum - she's 100!

Xmas 1999 - Talking to Josh about Christmas I say: I know you like Christmas because you get presents, but why do I like it? He says because you get the day off work!

1999 - (Courtesy Reggie) - Went into the supermarket with his Dad, 'over here Dad, the beer's over here!' Those were the days eh Rob.

1999 - In the car one day, I say to Teresa was the matter. Nada she says. I ask her again Nada is again the reply. This goes on a couple of times more before a little voice comes from the back: Nada means nothing Dad! Don't you know anything!

1999 - Josh gets caught short and dashes off to the toilet frantically trying to undo his trousers then from the toilet a little voice says 'Dad I'm having some poo problems' ... he didn't quite get there in time!

1997 - Josh is in Hospital to have an operation to put tubes in his ears and he has to be gassed to put him out. Its quite a struggle and after fighting off the staff for a bit they ask if I can help hold him down. Finally he falls asleep. When he comes too he says 'Those doctors where trying to put that mask over my mouth but you were trying to fight them off weren't you Daddy?!'